Help! and Where to Find It

Well, it’s certainly been an interesting week. Several life altering things have occurred, including, but not limited to, crying like a crazy person alone on the streets of New York while screaming the F word at a cab driver who honked one too many times. Don’t worry, we talked it out. He’s cool.

Being relatively unversed in this form of emotional instability I have had to turn to many a higher power:

1. God: There’s been plenty of prayer, and if I were Him I’d tune me out after the first five minutes. I can go on one hell (sorry) of a prayer tangent.

2. Mom - for months now my mother has been nothing more than an etherial voice on the other end of my phone. Because they still have dial up (they’ve been shunned, don’t worry), we’re incapable of video chat. She’s a faceless being who I pour my heart and soul out to. Like a priest, only she drinks and makes gay jokes.

3. Horoscopes.

Now, please don’t tell number One about number three cause I’m pretty sure according to His rule book I’m not supposed to be dealing in astrological nonsense. Not that He couldn’t figure out what I’m doing on His own, but it’s kinda like when an only child colors on the walls with the crayons and then swears they have no idea where that artwork came from. Feigned naiveté simply makes me cuter.

But honestly, in times of trouble, Mother Mary may come to some, cheap online horoscopes come to others. So I decided to browse a few today and share some psychic wisdom.

Astrology.com - You need to step up your communication today
RE: New Blog Entry

Dailyhoroscopes.com - There is an urge to probe and examine many of your goals these days and you may find yourself working through some strong internal changes.
Oh dailyhoroscopes, how horribly prophetic and yet shockingly generic. This is how cults are formed, because people think they find answers in everything if their spirits are low enough. They’ll believe that anyone or any source has so poetically described their own situation.
But this horoscope is spot on for me.

horoscopes.mydaily.com - Your key planet Mercury is finally regaining speed as it continues to recover from its retrograde phase last month.
You don’t know how many nights of sleep I lost when I heard that Mercury was going through a retrograde phase. Some planets never recover from these phases. They just keep slipping deeper and deeper into retrograde. It’s so hard to watch.

horoscopes.proastro.com - Emotions are strong and upbeat, foundations laid today will be firm and supportive and continue to evolve that way. Feelings of friendship abound and it's easy to see the good side of anyone -- just remember there may be other sides, too
....A for effort, proastro.

Now, like any good middle school English teacher will tell you, I need to find some way to effectively conclude this journal entry. But how utterly poetic and symbolic if I cannot find the perfect way to wrap it up? What if there is no clear path for me to take to bring finality to this situation?








In conclusion, things can suck, but there’s help out there. Choose your deity/ online psychic/ parental figure/ group of wasted friends, and drain from that source its abundant font of celestial signs/ generic wisdom/ comforting counsel/ salsa and chips. Because in the end, nothing sucks forever. Everything in our lives is in a constant rotation of suck, a ferris wheel of awful. One day, something else is gonna suck just as hard and this hurt will be a distant memory, waiting for its ride on the crap mobile.